“Once upon a time, there was a wayward child who never did what his mother wanted.

That’s why dear God didn’t like it and he let him get sick and no doctor knew how to help him.

Soon the child lay dying. When it was laid in the grave and covered with earth, suddenly his arm prayed and reached up, and when they put it back and put fresh earth on it, it didn’t help because the arm kept coming out. Then the mother herself had to go to the grave and hit the handle with a whip, and when she did that, the handle withdrew, so the child then calmed down under the ground.”*
This is how the Grimm brothers, writers of fairy tales and stories for children, saw obedience in the 18th century.

Fortunately, societies are changing:
We children were at the end of the 20th century, and adults at that time mostly believed that they could make us good if they told us often enough and convincingly enough that we were bad. With the addition of a firm hand in upbringing, of course.
Following this, and to improve the performance in the matches, the coaches shouted, criticized, cursed, and held long lectures about (not) striving for responsibility, or morality. The results were variable.
If the team were to win, it was a signpost of rising self-confidence.
If the team lost, it was the best proof of the lack of real players, weak characters, and spoiledness – there is no blood in them.

The players would mostly bow their heads and remain silent, only someone dared to think about the correctness of what the coach was shouting.
Such were the times, such were the adults, such were the children.
In recent years, we have witnessed great changes in society. People began to question the authorities. Being a doctor, teacher, priest, or coach, in itself is no longer enough to respect the environment and possess authority.
What we are becoming more important than who we are. Silence and a calm attitude are no longer measures of good upbringing.
The only thing that makes sense is to work with facts,
and not illusions about how it used to be or how it should be, but isn’t
Children today are different. They are (over)protected: from a bit of wind and cold, from puddles and wet pants, from a dirty T-shirt and untidiness, from climbing trees and falls, from fights on the slide and sadness. Parents provide them with the best, the best that money can buy: the best education, the best clothes, the best coaches, the latest cell phone, the best feelings. As often as possible, they are told that they are the smartest, the most beautiful, the most talented. Protection from the pain of mediocrity became an educational goal.
Children begin to feel like objects that are symbols of dad’s achievements when some with good intentions get too carried away. Over-ambitious parents in sports are often mentioned, but the same effect can be created by overemphasizing education, beauty, or any other type of success.
When they come to play handball, we have to respect the children, everyone always has the right to play, we have to appreciate the effort they put in to get out of the warm home to come to training, we give out medals for just participating in the tournament, not just to the winners.
What could be wrong with that?
Many have embraced the idea of ​​building high self-confidence in a child by protecting them from sadness or pain. It is a stepping stone to excellence: if he grows up with the belief that he is the best, the child becomes it.
We live in a time where it seems more and more that not being the best is a failure in itself.
There is more and more evidence to the contrary.
Instead of realizing the splendor of their talent, many of the new generation lack motivation, do not want to deal with more difficult tasks, learn from mistakes, and are afraid of disappointment, and failure. Often quite small frustrations cause violent reactions. The rights they claim for themselves, they do not give to others.
After great sacrifice and effort, many parents have to admit that the expected reward is missing. Then we criticize the children and indulge in romantic memories of the way things used to be, which as a rule has nothing to do with today’s reality.
Reverting doesn’t help. If the coach gives a pedagogical speech from the good old days, several players will not come to training tomorrow, while others will come with their parents who, in the best-case scenario, want to talk a little.
Many cannot persuade children to get out of bed or leave the computer and come to the gym, and we need to create players who will win medals in fifteen, or twenty years, and who will have enough confidence to decide an important match.

Do we have the right to be powerless?

*Grimm, Jakob i Wilhelm: Collected stories and fairy tales, translated by Bojana Zeljko-Lipovšćak, Mozaiknjiga, Zagreb, 2009.